Green Day - Wake Me UP When September Ends
Today is my husbands and my fourth anniversary. I can't say it has all been sunshine and roses. I put this video on here because I was thinking about it today. I just read a newspaper article that told of the death of 14 soldier in the last 48 hours....it brought back those familiar feelings. It's amazing how long the pain of a deployment sticks with you. My husband is home, safe and sound, and yet sometimes it is like he is still gone. I have woken up at night with that same pain in my heart. It's funny, the pain is actually in your chest right where your heart is. Is it really your heart? I watched this video for the first time about 6 months into his deployment. Looking back, I think that night is the hardest I have ever cried, I think in my entire life. I remember being in pain, my eyes, my head, my chest. Every part of me ached from the crying, from missing my husband, from the worry. When you feel that kind of pain, it doesn't let go, even after all is well again. I can't explain it. It's like a part of me died while he was gone, the part of my soul that was carefree. I miss that part of me. I miss that part of him. I miss the man I married, I miss how happy we were. Everything is different. I loved being happy and ignorant. But I will never be that way again....this is my life now. It has been almost 2 years since he returned from Iraq, and I still feel that pain in my chest. Will it ever leave me? Will I always feel it when I am reminded of war? Will I ever be able to watch a movie with soldiers in it without feeling my chest tighten? Will I ever be able to read a book where someone dies without crying my eyes out? I don't think so. I think I am forever changed. God, everything has changed. You have so much to lose when a spouse goes overseas, even if he comes back whole. Watch this video. Put yourself in the position of a soldiers wife. Take the pain you feel, and imagine it 10 times worse. It is unbelievable. I still can't believe I survived, with my sanity intact anyway.
So now I look back on the past four years....amazing. It went fast, and slow, and it was great and terrible. I love my husband, I love my son, I love my life. I just wish I could change a few things.......
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